can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
