sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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