She is in my trunk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
