I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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