I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
