operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
