so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
zippers are such a cool invention
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
