Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize