Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
