that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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