i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
did i just pee glitter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
