Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize