then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
