so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
