So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
