My sheets look like a crime scene.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
