i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
