I feel great
I just peed on a car
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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