she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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