y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
