Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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