just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
