i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
