i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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