Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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