K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
