he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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