he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
