I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
