considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
