i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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