i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
