my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
