We're facebook friends in real life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
