Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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