so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
