Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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