This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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