Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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