In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
