look no pants
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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