Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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