So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You may now shotgun with the bride
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
