I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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