you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
