So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
