Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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