he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
