I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
