the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
