I will die if light touches me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
