i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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