I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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