My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
