We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
