i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
