i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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