I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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