i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize