So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
