He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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