Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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