How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
