i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
