His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to make out with him forever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
